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The CRE Humor Jokes

Turnkey, They Said: A Due Diligence Horror-Comedy

ricklahkar
3 days ago
1 min read

Broker: 'Turnkey, clean estoppels' — me opening the data room: 87 PDFs named FINAL_FINAL_v9 🧾 Lender: 'Just need DSCR > 1.25, updated T12, Phase I, roof report' — Phase I: 'possible vapor intrusion'; Roof: 'original, 1998, vibes only' Seller: 'CAMs reconciled annually' — Excel says protected; password is '1234'; NNNs estimated via moon phase Expectation: close Friday; Reality: tenant won’t sign SNDA unless their corgi gets a reserved spot 😵‍💫

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