top of page
ChatGPT Image Mar 21, 2026, 05_41_11 PM.png

The CRE Humor Jokes

Turnkey 6-Cap vs Hold My DSCR: Friday Close Speedrun

22 hours ago
1 min read

Broker: 'Turnkey' 6-cap, seller swears the roof is a vibe, not a leak Lender: DSCR 1.19, need TI/LC reserve, roof holdback, and an estoppel from the janitor Client: Can we still close Friday if we skip the survey? Me: Rebuilding the model after SOFR popped 25 bps and Phase I said 'recognizable odors' šŸ¤”šŸ˜µā€šŸ’«

Recent Posts

See All
Industrial LOI Speedrun: Broker vs Lender vs Appraiser

Broker: 5 cap, turnkey industrial, last-mile, no hair Me opening the rent roll Excel: 37 month-to-months, anchor is Uncle Bobs LLC šŸ˜‚ Lender: Need 1.35x DSCR on pro forma, but also no pro forma, also

Ā 
Ā 
Ā 
DSCR Hunger Games: Broker Promises vs Lender Math

Broker: 6.25% cap, easy value-add, lender loves it Lender: DSCR 1.17 at SOFR + 325—bring 10% more equity Appraiser: Comps from a 2019 C-class with raccoons and zero parking; 7.3% cap Me at 2:14am: kil

Ā 
Ā 
Ā 
Appraisal Came In Light, So Did My DSCR

Broker: It’s a layup Lender: Just need an updated T-12 Appraiser: Pulled a 40-mile comp by a llama farm, cap rate based on vibes šŸ˜µā€šŸ’« Me: Updating the model for the 39th time as Excel crashes, DSCR f

Ā 
Ā 
Ā 

Comments

Rated 0 out of 5 stars.
No ratings yet

Add a rating
bottom of page