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The CRE Humor Jokes

Industrial LOI Speedrun: Broker vs Lender vs Appraiser

19 hours ago
1 min read

Broker: 5 cap, turnkey industrial, last-mile, no hair Me opening the rent roll Excel: 37 month-to-months, anchor is Uncle Bobs LLC šŸ˜‚ Lender: Need 1.35x DSCR on pro forma, but also no pro forma, also free rate cap 🚨 Appraiser: Used 1987 flex comps 2 states away--enjoy your 58% LTV

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Appraisal Came In Light, So Did My DSCR

Broker: It’s a layup Lender: Just need an updated T-12 Appraiser: Pulled a 40-mile comp by a llama farm, cap rate based on vibes šŸ˜µā€šŸ’« Me: Updating the model for the 39th time as Excel crashes, DSCR f

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When the Appraisal Ghosts Your Cap Rate at 4:59 PM

Broker: Modeled a 6 cap, lender’s ā€œthrilledā€ Lender: ā€œQuick thing—need updated T-12, estoppels, roof cert, and your soulā€ Appraiser at 4:59 PM: ā€œAdjusted for ā€˜functional obsolescence’ and vibes—value

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