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The CRE Humor Jokes

The Appraisal-Lender Tag Team vs My Pro Forma

Broker: Pro forma says 1.30 DSCR at a 6-cap Appraiser: I used a 2019 cornfield comp and a 7.75 cap šŸ“‰ Lender: IC wants 1.35 DSCR, 55% LTV, and your firstborn Me at 2:07am: Re-underwriting the T-12, inventing $0.12/SF ā€˜optimism recovery’ 🫠

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DSCR Dreams vs Appraisal Screams (CRE Lender Boss Fight)

Broker: We underwrote 6.25% cap, 65% LTV, clean Phase I—let’s close Friday Lender: cool—after market-rent haircut, 12-month TI/LC reserve, and 1.35 DSCR ā€˜post-armageddon’, proceeds are 51% Appraiser:

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Appraiser Brought a 2021 Comp to a 2026 Knife Fight

Broker: T12 scrubbed, 6-cap, Phase I squeaky. Let’s close. Lender: DSCR 1.249 so… escrows, rate cap, and a blood sample. Appraiser: Used a 'nearby' comp 19 miles away behind a cornfield—value: vibes.

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