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The CRE Humor Jokes

Pro Forma vs Reality: Lender Brings a Calculator, Appraiser Brings a Shovel

Broker: DSCR pencils at 1.25 on stabilized 🧮 Lender: cool, send rent roll, T-12, SNDA, estoppels, Phase I, and your soul Appraiser: using 2019 cornfield comps; adjusting -37% for market vibes Me: cap rate went to lunch with SOFR + 350 and never came back šŸ˜µā€šŸ’«

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DSCR Dreams vs Appraisal Screams (CRE Lender Boss Fight)

Broker: We underwrote 6.25% cap, 65% LTV, clean Phase I—let’s close Friday Lender: cool—after market-rent haircut, 12-month TI/LC reserve, and 1.35 DSCR ā€˜post-armageddon’, proceeds are 51% Appraiser:

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Appraiser Brought a 2021 Comp to a 2026 Knife Fight

Broker: T12 scrubbed, 6-cap, Phase I squeaky. Let’s close. Lender: DSCR 1.249 so… escrows, rate cap, and a blood sample. Appraiser: Used a 'nearby' comp 19 miles away behind a cornfield—value: vibes.

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