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The CRE Humor Jokes

Pro Forma 6-Cap vs Reality: My DSCR Anxiety Speedrun

Oct 12
1 min read

Broker: Pro forma 6-cap, stabilized in 30 days Lender: T-12, current rent roll, estoppels, SNDA, Phase I... and a vibe check Me: Excel with 47 tabs, DSCR swings from 1.27 to 0.98 if I sneeze 🧯 Seller: NNN = roof/HVAC on you; also CAM 'true-ups' never happened šŸ˜µā€šŸ’«

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When DSCR Says Yes But The Appraiser Says LOL

Broker: DSCR pencils at 1.30x, 95% ā€œoccupiedā€ if you squint Lender: Cool—drop T-12, estoppels, Phase I, ALTA, and your childhood report cards šŸ˜µā€šŸ’« Appraiser: Subject to roof at end-of-life, comps fro

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Expectation: 30-Day Close. Reality: 30 Docs A Day.

Broker: 30-day close, seller super chill, 5.5% cap—easy. Lender: Need T-12, T-3, rent roll v12, estoppels, SNDAs, Phase I on the Phase I, and your sponsor’s blood type. Client: Cool, make it 80% LTV,

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