Phase I Plot Twist: Dirt Has Lore, My Cap Rate Needs Therapy

Broker: we're clear to close Environmental: found a 1987 underground tank... shaped like your pro forma Seller: it's not contamination, it's 'patina' Lender: cool, add $500k escrow, vapor intrusion test, and your firstborn as guarantor Me in Excel: J42 circular, K12 crying, cap rate eloped 😂😵‍💫