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Expectation: 30-Day DD. Reality: Excavating a 1978 Easement With a Teaspoon

Broker: 30-day DD, turnkey, 'tenants pay everything' Lender: need Phase I, ALTA, estoppels, SNDAs, roof cert, zoning letter, and comps from Narnia Seller: NNN = 'not not not my problem' until Section 12.9(b)(i) says HVAC is yours šŸ˜ Me: speedrunning surveys while Excel #REF!s and the appraisal misses by $300k šŸ„²

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Due Diligence Speed-Run Any% (Failed at Phase I)

Expectation: coffee + site walk Reality: 47-page environmental hit list, buried UST, and a raccoon named ā€˜Deferred Maint.ā€™ šŸ¤” Lender: ā€œQuick turnā€”just need Phase I/II, new ALTA, estoppels, SNDAs, roof

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Closing Friday? Due Diligence: Hold My Easement

Broker: Weā€™re clear to close Lender: need updated Phase I, 95% estoppels, SNDAs, roof warranty, and proof parking exists ALTA survey: your prime stall is an 1897 wagon easement and the dumpsterā€™s in a

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