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The CRE Humor Jokes

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Phase I: No RECs — ALTA: Hold My Easement

Broker: It’s a “simple” 1031, clean Phase I Lender: Cool—just need ALTA, estoppels, SNDA, and proof the 1987 UST isn’t still breathing Title Co: Surprise easement through your loading dock; also a 40-year deed hiccup Me: Adding vapor barrier + roof reserve + therapy line item to the model 🧪😵‍💫

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When 'Turnkey' Means Bring Your Own Roof

Broker: Seller says 'clean Phase I' and 'new roof' Lender: Cool—send ALTA, SNDAs, estoppels, and the 1997 RTU birth certificate Inspector: Roof is 'daylight-enabled', grease trap is a time capsule, an

 
 
 
LOI Signed, Due Diligence Summoned

Broker: LOI executed—30-day DD, easy Lender: Need estoppels, SNDA, roof cores, 2015 utility bills, and your firstborn Engineer: Foundation's fine if you like funhouse floors Me: Underwriting says 6.25

 
 
 

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