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The CRE Humor Jokes

My Appraisal Came In Low But My Optimism Was Pro Forma

Broker: It's a 6-cap value-add with Day-1 cash flow Lender: Show me DSCR > 1.25 and actual T-12, not your unicorn pro forma Appraiser: Comp 3 is a cornfield from 2017, so your Class A is C-ish 🧮 Client: Can we close Friday if we switch to bridge today? Me: Sure—after I re-underwrite, reorder PCA/Phase I, herd estoppels, and time-travel šŸ˜µā€šŸ’«

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DSCR Dreams vs Appraisal Screams (CRE Lender Boss Fight)

Broker: We underwrote 6.25% cap, 65% LTV, clean Phase I—let’s close Friday Lender: cool—after market-rent haircut, 12-month TI/LC reserve, and 1.35 DSCR ā€˜post-armageddon’, proceeds are 51% Appraiser:

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Appraiser Brought a 2021 Comp to a 2026 Knife Fight

Broker: T12 scrubbed, 6-cap, Phase I squeaky. Let’s close. Lender: DSCR 1.249 so… escrows, rate cap, and a blood sample. Appraiser: Used a 'nearby' comp 19 miles away behind a cornfield—value: vibes.

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