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The CRE Humor Jokes

LOI vs Appraisal: CRE Chaos Edition

ricklahkar
May 31
1 min read

Broker: DSCR pencils at 1.30x easy Lender: Cool, send T-12, rent roll, estoppels, SNDA, and your firstborn 🧮 Appraiser: Using 2019 comps for stability; value = NOI at 9% cap minus my soul Client: We still closing Friday? Me: Only if ALTA, Phase I, and a surprise mechanics lien stop guest-starring 😭

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Pro Forma: 12M. Appraisal: 8.4M. My Soul: Negative Carry.

Broker: Pro forma value 12M, comps are chef's kiss Appraiser: Found a 2011 comp next to a RadioShack, calling it 8.4M Lender: DSCR 1.25 at SOFR+ mystery points; also escrow Jupiter and buy a rate cap

Term Sheet Says Yes, Appraisal Says LOL

Broker: LOI signed, lender nodding, I preorder the 'Closed' banner Lender: send updated T-12, live rent roll, and proof the roof isn’t a rumor Appraiser: found comps from a C-minus two zip codes away—

Appraisal Says Vibes, Lender Says No, My Model Says Please

Broker: PSA at $12M Appraiser: Comps say $9.4M and vibes Lender: 55% LTV, DSCR 1.35 on a pro forma we won’t count 🙂 Me: Rebuilding the model at 1:13 AM, begging tenants for estoppels 🧮

The CRE Humor Jokes

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