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LOI Signed, Sanity Evicted: A CRE Soap Opera

Broker: We’re closing in 30 days Lender: Awesome—just need SNDA, estoppels, ALTA, Phase I, PCA, and 12 months of reserves Seller: Our pro forma NOI is before concessions, free rent, and reality Me at 2:12am: Why does 8.50% cap = #VALUE! while CAMs multiply in Column J? 🧮😵

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DSCR Catfished Me: Excel Did a Pro Forma Crime

Broker: 6-cap day one, trust Lender: Send T-12, T-3, rent roll, and proof your VLOOKUPs aren't crimes Me moves one $ in Excel: DSCR 1.01 -> 1.25 ✨ Excel: Circular reference; you added CapEx to NOI. Mo

 
 
 
Broker Promised 8 Cap; Excel Called HR

Broker: OM shows 8% cap, turnkey My Excel: After T-12, tax reset, and 30 bps of lender mood swings… 4.2% 📉 Lender: Please resend model with 19 scenarios, DSCR >= 1.25, and Mars-gravity sensitivity Me

 
 
 
Broker vs Lender vs Reality: The DSCR Hunger Games

Broker: Pro forma DSCR 1.35x, day one Lender: Cool—send T-12/T-3, Argus export, estoppels, SNDAs, Phase I, PCA, and your soul Excel: Circular reference; negative leverage; capex tab hiding like Bigfoo

 
 
 

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