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The CRE Humor Jokes

LOI Monday, Therapy Friday: CRE Expectation vs Reality

Expectation: LOI signed Monday, closing Friday, easy fees Reality: Lender wants fresh T-12, estoppels from 31 tenants, and a new rent roll by noon My Excel: change 10 bps and the cap rate yeets IRR into orbit; file name Final_v47_REAL_final.xlsx 🤔 City and PM: surprise fire inspection, CAM math is wrong, roof leak says hi; me posing for CoStar headshot anyway šŸ˜…

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