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The CRE Humor Jokes

Layup Pro Forma vs The Lenders & Appraisers Boss Fight

Broker: Pro forma pencils at 1.35x DSCR, easy close Lender: Cool, using T-12, tax reset, insurance x2, reserves... DSCR now 0.98 Appraiser: Found comps 45 miles away by a corn silo, value -8% 😐 Me: adding Excel Tab 27 and wiring another extension fee 🫠

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DSCR Dreams vs Appraisal Screams (CRE Lender Boss Fight)

Broker: We underwrote 6.25% cap, 65% LTV, clean Phase I—let’s close Friday Lender: cool—after market-rent haircut, 12-month TI/LC reserve, and 1.35 DSCR ā€˜post-armageddon’, proceeds are 51% Appraiser:

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Appraiser Brought a 2021 Comp to a 2026 Knife Fight

Broker: T12 scrubbed, 6-cap, Phase I squeaky. Let’s close. Lender: DSCR 1.249 so… escrows, rate cap, and a blood sample. Appraiser: Used a 'nearby' comp 19 miles away behind a cornfield—value: vibes.

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