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The CRE Humor Jokes

Friday Close Starter Pack: Broker vs Lender vs Client

Broker: It’s a clean 6-cap, light value-add, seller super chill Lender: Need updated rent roll, T-12, estoppels, SNDA, Phase I vapor screen, and your firstborn Client: Can we close Friday if we add a drive-thru, swap to 1031, and double TI? Me (2am underwriting): OM says 95% occ; rent roll says 83%; CAM recon says “lol” 😵‍💫📉

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CAM Reconciliation Speedrun Any% (Crying in Excel)

Broker: We’re 95% leased Property Manager: Cool, who covers the 140% jump in trash + HVAC after-hours? Lender: Need a 24-month trailing on janitorial ‘strategy’ by EOD Me at 2:03am rebuilding CAM in E

 
 
 

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