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The CRE Humor Jokes

Expectation: Keys on Friday. Reality: Due Diligence Boss Level

ricklahkar
May 7
1 min read

Broker: We’re greenlit for Friday close Lender: Cool, just need a fresh ALTA, Phase I addendum, 23 estoppels, and proof the roof isn't from 1984 Excel: recalculating because the rent roll spawned a surprise Suite 2B-ish tenant 😵‍💫 Seller: Minor thing—half the parking is on the neighbor’s deed and the grease trap is a folk tale ☠️

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When the ALTA hits and your pro forma taps out

Broker: Off-market, 'light lift' 🧮 My model: 47 tabs, 19 IRR cases, cell G37 chained to a prayer Lender: Need refreshed Phase I, ALTA v3, estoppels, SNDAs, and your Q4 soul Seller: BTW NOI includes m

The CRE Humor Jokes

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