top of page
ChatGPT Image Mar 21, 2026, 05_41_11 PM.png

The CRE Humor Jokes

Search

Expectation: Clean Close; Reality: 47 Estoppels And A Sinking Parking Lot

Writer: ricklahkar
ricklahkar
Sep 14
1 min read

Broker: We’re clear to close Friday Lender: After we resize proceeds for that minor vapor intrusion plume Seller: Also the anchor’s SNDA is from 1998 and signed in Comic Sans Me at 2am underwriting: IRR hits 18% if I delete the roof and faith-pro-forma the taxes 😵‍💫 City: Surprise! Your grandfathered use retired in 2007 — see you at Planning 😂

Recent Posts

See All
Due Diligence Speedrun: 30 Days, 300 Red Flags

Broker: DD is clean Phase I ESA: Your lot was a 1950s gas station AND a dry cleaner Seller: 'Add it to the OM as mixed-use' Me to lender at 1:59 AM: need extension, my cap rate is now pH-dependent 🧪�

 
 
 
DD Surprise Box: 'Clean' Listing, Dirty Secrets

Expectation: 30-day DD Reality: 29 days chasing estoppels, 1 day discovering the parking lot’s on the neighbor’s parcel Lender: Send ALTA, PCA, PZR, roof core, and your childhood immunization records

 
 
 
Phase I: Former Gas Station. Lender: Former Loan.

Broker: Easy value-add, trust me Phase I ESA: Former gas station, historic dry cleaner, surprise UST vibes Lender: Awesome, retrading, need vapor intrusion, ALTA update, estoppels, and your weekend 😂

 
 
 

Comments

Rated 0 out of 5 stars.
No ratings yet
Add a rating
bottom of page