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The CRE Humor Jokes

Expectation: 6% Cap; Reality: Phase I Ghosts and DIV/0! IRR

Broker: Clear to close Lender: Need one tiny doc - updated rent roll, estoppels, SNDA, and a time machine Enviro: Phase I found an '87 dry cleaner and 3 mystery USTs. Cool? Excel: IRR 18% -> 7% -> DIV/0! 📉 while the TPO roof waves at me 🤡 Client: Still want 10-yr IO at 75% LTV. Me: Sure, on the Monopoly board

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When the ALTA hits and your pro forma taps out

Broker: Off-market, 'light lift' đź§® My model: 47 tabs, 19 IRR cases, cell G37 chained to a prayer Lender: Need refreshed Phase I, ALTA v3, estoppels, SNDAs, and your Q4 soul Seller: BTW NOI includes m

 
 
 

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