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Expectation: 6 Cap. Reality: DSCR 1.19 and a Surprise Phase II

Expectation: 6% cap, 30-day close Reality: DSCR prints 1.19, lender wants 'one tiny rent roll clarification'… from 2016 Seller: 'NNN, except roof, structure, parking, sprinklers, and mercury retrograde' Excel: turns green if deal pencils; it’s redder than my escrow balance. #REF! 4:59pm: 'Phase II?' Me: perfect timing—right after I renegotiate life 🤡

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DSCR Says 1.25x, My Soul Says Extension Please

Broker: It pencils at a 6 cap Lender: After our stress test it pencils at a crayon Me: Rebuilding the model because T12 ≠ rent roll and DSCR is allergic to reality 🧮 Seller: No price cut. Also CAMs w

 
 
 
The LOI Said 'Non-Binding' But My Anxiety Isn't

Expectation: 6% cap, clean Phase I, lender jazz hands Reality: 4.3% cap, HVAC is vapor, Phase I finds a vintage fuel tank Broker: we're at the one-yard line; Lender: need estoppels & SNDAs from every

 
 
 

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