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The CRE Humor Jokes

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Clear To Close Friday* (*Please See 86 Attachments)

Broker: We’re clear to close Friday Lender: Tiny change—need fresh rent roll, 12-month estoppels, and an SNDA from 'LLC LLC LLC' Client: Can we get a 4-handle if I say “relationship” louder? 😵‍💫 Me: Rebuilding the model at 1:03 AM while Argus crashes and the seller texts “ETA?” 🧮

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Broker: It’s a clean deal — NNN, 6% cap, 95% leased Lender: Perfect, now send T-12, rent roll, estoppels, SNDA, roof report, Phase I, and your sanity 🙃 Client: Can we close Friday? Title: We found 2

 
 
 
Clean Industrial Box, Dirty Due Diligence

Broker: Clean last-mile box, easy close Lender: upload rent_roll_final_FINAL_v6.xlsx + T-12 + SNDA + 3 estoppels by EOD Appraiser: we used suburban office comps because “both have roofs” Phase I: hist

 
 
 

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