ChatGPT Image Mar 21, 2026, 05_41_11 PM.png

The CRE Humor Jokes

Expectation: 6-Cap; Reality: 12 New Covenants and a Pop-Up Church Tenant

ricklahkar
Jun 22
1 min read

Expectation: 6-cap, 30-day close. Reality: appraisal says 'nah' 📉 and lender adds 12 covenants before lunch. Client: 'Can we 1031 my boat and get free TI?' Me at 2:07am: rebuilding the model because one 'tenant' is a weekend pop-up church 😵‍💫

Recent Posts

See All

Underwrote 6.25% Cap, Appraised at Lol

Broker: Underwrote 95% occupancy, totally conservative, pinky swear. Appraiser: Subject borders a haunted parking lot; -120 bps for vibes. Lender: Need T-12, T-36, T-everything, estoppel bingo, and a

Cap Rate Catfish: When the OM Says 6.5% and Reality Says LOL

Broker: Pro forma NOI is bulletproof Lender: Send T-12, T-3, rent roll, estoppels, and a notarized promise you won't blink Me at 2:14am in Excel: If I rebrand 'Other Income' as 'Manifestation,' DSCR h

Broker: CTC. Lender: One more doc. Appraiser: Hold my cap rate.

Broker: We’re 30 days from CTC Lender: Need estoppels, SNDA, fresh ALTA, and Phase I found a vintage dry cleaner 🧯 Client: If we switch to a DST and tack on a 1031, can we still close Friday? Me in E

The CRE Humor Jokes

Comments