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The CRE Humor Jokes

Due Diligence Starter Pack: Phase I Sweat, ALTA Chaos, Estoppel Safari

Broker: 30-day DD, easy lift Lender: Need Phase I (maybe II), fresh ALTA, 47 estoppels + SNDAs, zoning letter by tomorrow Title: Adding Exception 27—also your parking lot used to be a canal in 1913 Me: Renaming it Waterfront Flex and recalcing CAMs ☕️😂

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Due Diligence Speed-Run Any% (Failed at Phase I)

Expectation: coffee + site walk Reality: 47-page environmental hit list, buried UST, and a raccoon named ‘Deferred Maint.’ 🤡 Lender: “Quick turn—just need Phase I/II, new ALTA, estoppels, SNDAs, roof

 
 
 

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