ChatGPT Image Mar 21, 2026, 05_41_11 PM.png

The CRE Humor Jokes

Due Diligence Starter Pack: Hope, Coffee, and a 1997 Lien

ricklahkar
Jun 18
1 min read

Me underwriting at 2am: Pro forma says 6.25% cap, easy close 😎 Reality: T-12 says lol no, CAM charges multiplying like gremlins Lender: just one more item—ALTA, Phase I, roof report, 47 estoppels—then re-trade 🤡 Title: surprise easement to Future Monorail; Client: can we close Friday or nah?

Recent Posts

See All

Due Diligence: Where LOIs Go To Die (And My Sanity Too)

Expectation: 30-day DD, clean Phase I, easy close Reality: ALTA says half the parking is 'floating'; Phase I finds a 90s dry cleaner ghost; appraiser on PTO Broker: closing Friday Lender: need fresh T

Phase I Said 'Minor REC' And My Cap Rate Started Screaming

Broker: DD is light; me opens data room: FINAL_v12_FINAL2 😵‍💫 Lender: need one more thing—PCA, updated ALTA, zoning letter, 10 estoppels, SNDA from ghost tenant Phase I: minor REC (1997 dry cleaner

When the ALTA hits and your pro forma taps out

Broker: Off-market, 'light lift' 🧮 My model: 47 tabs, 19 IRR cases, cell G37 chained to a prayer Lender: Need refreshed Phase I, ALTA v3, estoppels, SNDAs, and your Q4 soul Seller: BTW NOI includes m

The CRE Humor Jokes

Comments