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The CRE Humor Jokes

Due Diligence Speedrun: 30 Days, 900 Red Flags

Expectation: 30-day DD, clean Phase I, lender chill Reality: Phase I = former dry cleaner; Phase II = still a dry cleaner; soil = spicy Lender: Need a quick clearance. Me: googling how to relocate a plume šŸ˜… Seller: As-is, where-is. Me: As-was, where-did-this-UST-come-from? 🧯

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When the ALTA hits and your pro forma taps out

Broker: Off-market, 'light lift' 🧮 My model: 47 tabs, 19 IRR cases, cell G37 chained to a prayer Lender: Need refreshed Phase I, ALTA v3, estoppels, SNDAs, and your Q4 soul Seller: BTW NOI includes m

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