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The CRE Humor Jokes

Due Diligence Speedrun: 30 Days, 400 Surprises

Expectation: Clean T-12, perfect rent roll Reality: 3 SNDAs, 7 estoppels, Phase I says "maybe ghosts" Lender: just need updated ALTA, roof cert, flood cert, survey cert, and a time machine 😐 Me at 2am underwriting HVAC from 1997: if cap rate is 6 and roof is 12, math says... retrade 🧮

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Due Diligence Speed-Run Any% (Failed at Phase I)

Expectation: coffee + site walk Reality: 47-page environmental hit list, buried UST, and a raccoon named ā€˜Deferred Maint.’ 🤔 Lender: ā€œQuick turn—just need Phase I/II, new ALTA, estoppels, SNDAs, roof

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