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The CRE Humor Jokes

DSCR Yoga & Cap Rate Cardio: Broker vs Lender vs Client in Excel

Broker: It's stabilized, just needs 200 bps of hope and 40% lease-up by Q3 šŸ˜‚ Lender: Send trailing 36 months, Phase I, seller's horoscope, and proof cap rates still exist Client: Can we get 7% cash-on-cash with 3% debt, zero TI, and free Starbucks? Me in Excel: IF(DSCR>1.25, turn cell green, else cry in NNN) 🧮

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Expectation: NNN Nap. Reality: Estoppel Olympics

Broker: EZ close, 95% occupied, tenants sticky, naps pending Lender: need Phase I, maybe Phase II, SNDA, roof cert, 30 estoppels, borrower name spelled 5 ways Client: can we 1031 by Friday if we retra

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Cap Rate Catfish: Stabilized Until the Estoppel Drops

Broker: 5-cap, stabilized, day-one cash flow Lender: Cool - send T-12, rent roll, estoppels, SNDA, global cash flow, and your childhood GPA Appraiser: Using a 2014 bowling alley comp 40 miles away Tit

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