ChatGPT Image Mar 21, 2026, 05_41_11 PM.png

The CRE Humor Jokes

95% Occupied (If You Count Ghost Tenants) — CRE Underwriting Bingo

ricklahkar
3 days ago
1 min read

Broker: 95% occupied. Lender: 95% by who? Me: vibes. OM says Class A. T-12 says Class ahhh. Appraisal: have you tried relocating the building? Buyer: can we close Friday? Title finds 3 heirs, 2 liens, and a missing parcel map. 🔥 Excel recalcs... DSCR 1.25 → 1.01 → lol. My OM just turned into a memoir. 😅

Recent Posts

See All

Expectation: NNN Nap. Reality: Estoppel Olympics

Broker: EZ close, 95% occupied, tenants sticky, naps pending Lender: need Phase I, maybe Phase II, SNDA, roof cert, 30 estoppels, borrower name spelled 5 ways Client: can we 1031 by Friday if we retra

DSCR Yoga & Cap Rate Cardio: Broker vs Lender vs Client in Excel

Broker: It's stabilized, just needs 200 bps of hope and 40% lease-up by Q3 😂 Lender: Send trailing 36 months, Phase I, seller's horoscope, and proof cap rates still exist Client: Can we get 7% cash-o

Cap Rate Catfish: Stabilized Until the Estoppel Drops

Broker: 5-cap, stabilized, day-one cash flow Lender: Cool - send T-12, rent roll, estoppels, SNDA, global cash flow, and your childhood GPA Appraiser: Using a 2014 bowling alley comp 40 miles away Tit

The CRE Humor Jokes

Comments