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The CRE Humor Jokes

DSCR vs My Sanity: Lenders & Appraisers Cage Match

Broker: It’s value-add, light lift, rents to market = 6.5 cap Appraiser: Found a 10-mile comp by a cornfield—calls it 4.1 cap, good luck Lender: DSCR 1.24? Adorable—stress to 1.35, +200 bps, partial recourse Me at 1:57 AM: if I color C5 green the NOI appears 😬 Seller: “As-is. No retrade.” 🧨

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Broker: LOI signed, lender nodding, I preorder the 'Closed' banner Lender: send updated T-12, live rent roll, and proof the roof isn’t a rumor Appraiser: found comps from a C-minus two zip codes away—

 
 
 

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