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The CRE Humor Jokes

DD Speedrun: From LOI to Therapy in 30 Days

Broker: DD is light, seller already did Phase I Lender: cool, just need Phase I, Phase II, PCA, ALTA, estoppels, SNDAs, flood cert, and your soul Survey: parking lot is a creek; monument sign is on city land; half the roof is 'vintage' 1979 šŸ˜‚ Me updating the model for the 19th time while the raccoon tenant negotiates TI and 6 months free šŸ˜µā€šŸ’«

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Phase I Said 'Minor REC' And My Cap Rate Started Screaming

Broker: DD is light; me opens data room: FINAL_v12_FINAL2 šŸ˜µā€šŸ’« Lender: need one more thing—PCA, updated ALTA, zoning letter, 10 estoppels, SNDA from ghost tenant Phase I: minor REC (1997 dry cleaner

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When the ALTA hits and your pro forma taps out

Broker: Off-market, 'light lift' 🧮 My model: 47 tabs, 19 IRR cases, cell G37 chained to a prayer Lender: Need refreshed Phase I, ALTA v3, estoppels, SNDAs, and your Q4 soul Seller: BTW NOI includes m

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