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The CRE Humor Jokes

Clear To Close Friday Starter Pack: ALTA, Estoppels, SNDA, Panic Clicks

Broker: clear to close Friday Lender: need updated ALTA, estoppels, SNDA, and a fresh Phase I because a bird nested Client: can we do 3% IO, 95% LTV, and free rent for 18 months Me at 2 a.m.: forcing DSCR to 1.25 while the cap rate retrades itself 🧨

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DSCR, But Make It Fiction

Broker: It’s a clean deal — NNN, 6% cap, 95% leased Lender: Perfect, now send T-12, rent roll, estoppels, SNDA, roof report, Phase I, and your sanity 🙃 Client: Can we close Friday? Title: We found 2

 
 
 
Clear To Close Friday* (*Please See 86 Attachments)

Broker: We’re clear to close Friday Lender: Tiny change—need fresh rent roll, 12-month estoppels, and an SNDA from 'LLC LLC LLC' Client: Can we get a 4-handle if I say “relationship” louder? 😵‍💫 Me:

 
 
 
Clean Industrial Box, Dirty Due Diligence

Broker: Clean last-mile box, easy close Lender: upload rent_roll_final_FINAL_v6.xlsx + T-12 + SNDA + 3 estoppels by EOD Appraiser: we used suburban office comps because “both have roofs” Phase I: hist

 
 
 

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