top of page
ChatGPT Image Mar 21, 2026, 05_41_11 PM.png

The CRE Humor Jokes

Cap Rate Says 6%, Taxes Say Hold My Beer

Sep 27
1 min read

Broker: Pro forma NOI is spotless, 6% cap! Lender: Cool—send T-12, rent roll, estoppels, SNDA, Phase I, and your weekend. Client: We close Friday at 3% bridge, 75% LTC, right? My 1031 timer is coughing. Me: Argus says go, DSCR says no; county just reassessed taxes mid-Excel 🧮 Plot twist: 1987 dry cleaner next door; proceeds haircut, hairline gone 😵‍💫

Recent Posts

See All
Cap Rate Catfish: The Turnkey NNN That Turned On Me

Broker: Turnkey NNN at 5.25 cap, totally stabilized Lender: Need T-12, rent roll, estoppels, Phase I, AE, and a blood oath 🧮 Appraiser: Used a 2019 cornfield comp, value minus 11 percent Me: DSCR 1.2

 
 
 
When DSCR Says Yes But The Appraiser Says LOL

Broker: DSCR pencils at 1.30x, 95% “occupied” if you squint Lender: Cool—drop T-12, estoppels, Phase I, ALTA, and your childhood report cards 😵‍💫 Appraiser: Subject to roof at end-of-life, comps fro

 
 
 
Expectation: 30-Day Close. Reality: 30 Docs A Day.

Broker: 30-day close, seller super chill, 5.5% cap—easy. Lender: Need T-12, T-3, rent roll v12, estoppels, SNDAs, Phase I on the Phase I, and your sponsor’s blood type. Client: Cool, make it 80% LTV,

 
 
 

Comments

Rated 0 out of 5 stars.
No ratings yet

Add a rating
bottom of page