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The CRE Humor Jokes

Cap Rate Catfish: When the OM Promised 6, Reality Swiped Left

Aug 27
1 min read

Broker: OM says 6 cap, 95% occ, taxes assumed stable Lender: Great, send T-12, rent roll, and proof gravity still works Me underwriting: DSCR solid… until I annualize snow removal and discover CAM oops 🧮 Client: Can we lock rate by Friday? Rate desk: Sure, right after we price in the underground bonus tenants aka mystery barrels 🤡

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