ChatGPT Image Mar 21, 2026, 05_41_11 PM.png

The CRE Humor Jokes

Cap Rate Catfish: Lender Left Me on Read, Appraiser Stole My DSCR

2 days ago

1 min read

Client: Need a 6 cap in West LA with 80% LTV Me (Broker): Sure, and I'd like a unicorn that signs an SNDA Lender: Send updated rent roll, estoppels, ALTA, Phase I, and your firstborn Appraiser: Using a 5.1 cap because 'market vibes' - DSCR says no 🦄 Excel: Deal pencils if TI/LC=$0, taxes freeze, and gravity takes a gap year

Recent Posts

See All

DSCR: 1.30x In My Model, 1.09x In Theirs

Broker: DSCR pencils at 1.30x Lender: After ‘minor adjustments’ it’s 1.09x Appraiser: 9.5% cap because parking is ‘aspirational’ Client: So we still at 70% LTV? Me: Updating the model for the 37th ‘fi

Broker Math vs Appraiser Math: The Sequel Nobody Underwrote

Broker: Underwrote 65% LTV at 6.25%, DSCR 1.35—light jog to close Lender: Cool, just need T-12, T-3, rent roll, your childhood report cards, and a Phase I by Friday Appraiser: Comps say $8.2M; your pr

Broker Said 'Cleared to Close'—Lender Heard 'Start Over'

Broker: We’re clear to close Lender: Drop updated T-12, estoppels, Phase I addendum, and a selfie with the DSCR Appraiser: Applied a 300 bps 'Vibe Adjustment' because the parking lot felt introverted

The CRE Humor Jokes

Comments