Cap Rate Catfish: Expectation vs Reality (Landlord Edition)

Expectation: List at a 5-cap, 20 tours, bidding war by Thursday Reality: Two LOIs—both 'subject to my uncle's tarot'—and lender wants a Phase I on the parking lot Owner: 'Just raise rent.' Tenant: 'Perfect, here’s my 37-page TI request + free rent + a new roof' 😬 Me at 3am: NOI model says #DIV/0!, my sanity says N/A, and Excel auto-saved the wrong tab Closing checklist: Estoppel, SNDA, updated ALTA, clean Phase I, and an asteroid to not hit escrow 🚀