top of page
ChatGPT Image Mar 21, 2026, 05_41_11 PM.png

The CRE Humor Jokes

Search

Broker Promises vs Lender Checklists: The CRE Telenovela

Broker: Clean deal, 6-cap, quick close Lender: Need updated rent roll, estoppels from 2003, and a Phase I that survived Y2K Client: Can we switch to SBA… 48 hours pre-close? Me in Excel: DSCR 1.35x in pro forma, 0.98x IRL—cap rate also jumped off a bridge 🧨🙃

Recent Posts

See All
6-Cap On The OM, 6AM On My Model

Broker: It’s a clean 6-cap Lender: Great—need T-12, T-24, and your soul by noon Appraiser: Value = vibes × “functional obsolescence” ÷ parking that isn’t real Me at 2AM in Excel: circular refs, DSCR w

 
 
 
Broker says Clean NNN, Excel says New Neglected Roof

Broker: It’s a clean NNN, 6-cap, 30-day close Lender: DSCR 1.29—proceeds are vibes; send estoppels, SNDA, and maybe your firstborn Appraiser: Best comp is a goat yoga barn 40 miles away—value down 12%

 
 
 

Comments

Rated 0 out of 5 stars.
Couldn’t Load Comments
It looks like there was a technical problem. Try reconnecting or refreshing the page.
bottom of page