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The CRE Humor Jokes

Broker Promises, Lender Conditions, Appraiser Lowers—Me Re-underwrites

Broker: Locked 6.25% fixed, 65% LTV, smooth close Lender: After credit committee—55% LTV, maybe I/O, need estoppels, SNDA, and your kindergarten report card Appraiser: Pulled a 2017 comp because vibes; as-is magically 12% lower 📉 Client: So... we bringing cash or courage? Me: Reopening Excel tab #48 to make DSCR flirt with 1.25x 🤡

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Term Sheet Says Yes, Appraisal Says LOL

Broker: LOI signed, lender nodding, I preorder the 'Closed' banner Lender: send updated T-12, live rent roll, and proof the roof isn’t a rumor Appraiser: found comps from a C-minus two zip codes away—

 
 
 
When the Appraiser Nukes Your Cap Rate at 4:59 PM

Broker: It pencils at 6.25% cap, T-12 trending up, pro forma tight Lender: Committee wants actuals, SNDAs, and my weekend Appraiser: Calls it 'stabilized' then shaves 12% because a 2009 comp sneezed M

 
 
 

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