Broker: we’re clear to close Lender: need one final tiny condition and a re-underwrite Appraisal: conservative aka 12% under PSA; me opening Excel tab #48 🧯 Phase I: finds 1987 dry cleaner under the lot at 11:59pm; Client: so cap rate = my return? Me: NOI minus TI/LC minus reality 😵‍💫

Broker: Locked 6.25% fixed, 65% LTV, smooth close Lender: After credit committee—55% LTV, maybe I/O, need estoppels, SNDA, and your kindergarten report card Appraiser: Pulled a 2017 comp because vibes; as-is magically 12% lower 📉 Client: So... we bringing cash or courage? Me: Reopening Excel tab #48 to make DSCR flirt with 1.25x 🤡