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The CRE Humor Jokes

Appraised at Trust-Me-Bro Pricing

ricklahkar
Apr 15
1 min read

Broker: 72 hours to close—easy Lender: Need fresh T-12, estoppels, Phase I footnote, and DSCR manifesting at 1.25 Appraiser: Best comp is a goat-yoga barn 40 miles out; value pending roof’s mood Client: Underwrote 6 cap—Market: it’s a vibes cap now 😂

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Broker: Pro forma value 12M, comps are chef's kiss Appraiser: Found a 2011 comp next to a RadioShack, calling it 8.4M Lender: DSCR 1.25 at SOFR+ mystery points; also escrow Jupiter and buy a rate cap

Term Sheet Says Yes, Appraisal Says LOL

Broker: LOI signed, lender nodding, I preorder the 'Closed' banner Lender: send updated T-12, live rent roll, and proof the roof isn’t a rumor Appraiser: found comps from a C-minus two zip codes away—

Appraisal Says Vibes, Lender Says No, My Model Says Please

Broker: PSA at $12M Appraiser: Comps say $9.4M and vibes Lender: 55% LTV, DSCR 1.35 on a pro forma we won’t count 🙂 Me: Rebuilding the model at 1:13 AM, begging tenants for estoppels 🧮

The CRE Humor Jokes

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