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The CRE Humor Jokes

Appraisal Came In Light And So Did My Will To Live

ricklahkar
Jun 15
1 min read

Broker: It pencils at a 6 cap, trust Lender: Love it—just need 47 more items, a fresh T-12, and your soul Appraiser: Found a 'comparable' 40 miles away by a goat yoga barn, value -11% Me: Re-underwriting at 1:47 AM, whispering to Excel, begging DSCR to hit 1.25 🙃

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Pro Forma: 12M. Appraisal: 8.4M. My Soul: Negative Carry.

Broker: Pro forma value 12M, comps are chef's kiss Appraiser: Found a 2011 comp next to a RadioShack, calling it 8.4M Lender: DSCR 1.25 at SOFR+ mystery points; also escrow Jupiter and buy a rate cap

Term Sheet Says Yes, Appraisal Says LOL

Broker: LOI signed, lender nodding, I preorder the 'Closed' banner Lender: send updated T-12, live rent roll, and proof the roof isn’t a rumor Appraiser: found comps from a C-minus two zip codes away—

Appraisal Says Vibes, Lender Says No, My Model Says Please

Broker: PSA at $12M Appraiser: Comps say $9.4M and vibes Lender: 55% LTV, DSCR 1.35 on a pro forma we won’t count 🙂 Me: Rebuilding the model at 1:13 AM, begging tenants for estoppels 🧮

The CRE Humor Jokes

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