Broker: it’s a 6 cap, turnkey Lender: after stress test #3, DSCR is 1.12—need T-12 v2, SNDA, and a roof cert Property Manager: CAM ‘recon’ found a 1998 RTU and a tenant paying in gift cards 🤡 Me opening Excel: circular ref killed the deal, but my cold brew didn’t ☕

Broker: LOI signed, easy close Property Manager: Tiny issue—RTU #3 is older than our SNDA Lender: Need estoppels, roof cert, and proof your CAMs aren't fan fiction 😂 Client: So NNN means 'No New Numbers,' right? Me: Adding 12 tabs to the model while googling 'what is quiet enjoyment' 🫠

Expectation: Sign Friday, demo Monday, grand opening next month 🚧 Reality: Permit queue 8 weeks, GC: 'steel 24 weeks,' TI allowance: 'we tapped out at revision cloud #3' Pro forma: $35/SF TI; Bid day: $83.47/SF + 'market volatility' + door hardware you forgot 🙂 Me to lender: on-time, on-budget; CAM: surprise construction mgmt + after-hours inspections; Me: rehearsing my 'force majeure' face 😬