top of page
ChatGPT Image Mar 21, 2026, 05_41_11 PM.png

The CRE Humor Jokes

When the TI 'Turnkey' Is Just Turning Keys

Sep 28
1 min read

Broker: 'Turnkey' TI, 8-week delivery, zero change orders GC: After permits, lead times, and value engineering... call it Q4 Lender: Send the final budget (v19), GMP, and proof CAM won't eat the NOI Me: renaming the tab FINAL_FINAL_v29_NOW_FOR_REAL while praying to Excel šŸ˜‚

Recent Posts

See All
CAM Recon vs TI Budget: Round 12

Broker: We're all-in at $24 NNN Lender: Send final CAM budget Me: Opening 'TI_cashflow_FINAL2_reallyFINAL.xlsm' while the GC change-orders for moving the door 6 inches 🧮 Tenant: Thought CAM was $2...

Ā 
Ā 
Ā 
TI Allowance vs Reality: Vanilla Shell Speedrun

Client: ā€œTurnkey TI, 8-week delivery.ā€ Me: ā€œAllowance: $40/SF.ā€ GC: ā€œCost: $140/SF—also it’s a vanilla shell.ā€ Lender: ā€œNeed a fixed-price GMP.ā€ Contractor: ā€œHere’s a TBD with 12 alternates.ā€ City: ā€œP

Ā 
Ā 
Ā 
TI Budget vs Reality: Bring Your Own Ductwork

Broker: TI is minor Contractor: it’s a full gut plus surprise asbestos Lender: send final budget and updated DSCR calc Me: which version—LOI fantasy, post-bid reality, or the one CAM will eat alive 🧾

Ā 
Ā 
Ā 

Comments

Rated 0 out of 5 stars.
No ratings yet

Add a rating
bottom of page