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The CRE Humor Jokes

When the Rent Roll Says “Stabilized” But the HVAC Says “Surprise”

ricklahkar
May 11
1 min read

Expectation: 6-cap turnkey, tenants paying CAM like Swiss clocks 📈 Reality: DSCR 1.19, roof is 19, estoppels MIA, SNDA pending, tax reassessment tomorrow Lender: can you resend the updated rent roll, T-12, and a fresh Phase I from… yesterday? Owner brain: bump rents $0.25/SF, pray the HVAC survives the tour, pretend pro forma is law 😅

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Expectation: 5 Cap, Reality: Tenant Pays in Vibes

Broker: Stabilized, 98% occupied, turn-key asset Lender: Cool, just need rent roll, 12 estoppels, SNDA, updated ALTA, and your firstborn Me in Excel at 2:47am: NOI says yes, roof, HVAC, and CAMs say l

When the Lender Says One More Item for the 47th Time

Broker: LOI signed, easy close Lender: Need T-12, rent roll, SNDA, estoppels, Phase I, ALTA survey, and your blood type Appraiser: Using a 2013 Kmart comp; value says your cap rate is a bedtime story

Clear to Close* (*Until Lender Remembers Global Cash Flow)

Broker: LOI signed, victory lap Lender: Need SNDA, updated estoppels, 12-month roof reserve, and your left shoe Landlord: NNNs reconcile after CAM true-up, security guard, and 47 'misc.' line items Cl

The CRE Humor Jokes

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