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The CRE Humor Jokes

When the Rent Roll Says 95% But the HVAC Says Eviction

Broker: Pro forma hits 7% cap easy Lender: Send trailing 12s, all CAM reconciliations, and your childhood diary Owner: Tenant 'temporarily' paying in exposure bucks Me in Excel: cell D12 just filed a variance report and quit šŸ§®šŸ˜µā€šŸ’«

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Expectation: 5 Cap, Reality: Tenant Pays in Vibes

Broker: Stabilized, 98% occupied, turn-key asset Lender: Cool, just need rent roll, 12 estoppels, SNDA, updated ALTA, and your firstborn Me in Excel at 2:47am: NOI says yes, roof, HVAC, and CAMs say l

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When the Lender Says One More Item for the 47th Time

Broker: LOI signed, easy close Lender: Need T-12, rent roll, SNDA, estoppels, Phase I, ALTA survey, and your blood type Appraiser: Using a 2013 Kmart comp; value says your cap rate is a bedtime story

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