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The CRE Humor Jokes

When the Rent Roll Says 100% and the Parking Lot Says 'Prove It'

ricklahkar
Jun 16
1 min read

Broker: T-12 pristine, DSCR 1.35, slam dunk Lender: Cool, send fresh estoppels, SNDA, Phase I with PFAS, and a selfie from the 'storage tenant' Client: Also, cap rate moved during lunch... discount? Me opening Model_vFINAL_FINAL_7.xlsx because CAM reconciliation just learned parkour 🤡🧮

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Clear to Close* (*Until Lender Remembers Global Cash Flow)

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Mailbox Money vs Co-Tenancy Grenade

Expectation: Mailbox money Reality: Co-tenancy clause detonates when the anchor sneezes Lender: Need 1.25x DSCR and a time machine Owner: Can Excel model 'vibes-based NOI'? 🧮😵‍💫

The CRE Humor Jokes

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