top of page
ChatGPT Image Mar 21, 2026, 05_41_11 PM.png

The CRE Humor Jokes

When the Appraisal Hits 7.25% and My Pro Forma Starts Smoking

Broker: 6.00% cap, 45-day close, easy win Lender: Need updated rent roll, estoppels, SNDAs, Phase I footnote, and a selfie of the roof from 1998 Client: Can we close Friday and add a drive-thru with $0 more? šŸ™‚ Appraiser: Market at 7.25%; parking ratios are a horoscope Me at 2:13 AM: DSCR 1.25 → 1.19 → me → šŸ˜µā€šŸ’«šŸ§®

Recent Posts

See All
NNN 'Easy Deal' Speedrun: Broker vs Lender vs Client

Broker: It’s a vanilla NNN, clean Phase I, we coast to close Lender: Need 12 months trailing, 3 estoppels, roof warranty from 1997, and the tenant’s favorite cereal Client: Can we close Friday if we s

Ā 
Ā 
Ā 
DSCR Olympics: Broker Says 1.30, Lender Brings a Microscope

Broker: It’s a clean 1.30 DSCR, seller covers CAM, easy close Lender: After ā€˜normalized’ vacancy, true taxes, roof reserve… 1.09 Appraiser: Best comp is a llama farm with a drive-thru, still ā€˜market’

Ā 
Ā 
Ā 
When DSCR Won’t Commit But My Coffee Will

Client: Can we close Friday? Lender: Send updated T-12, estoppels, SNDA, Phase I, and proof the roof isn’t from 1978 Me opening Excel: why does CAM math have 19 tabs and a hidden sorcery sheet ā˜ ļø DSCR

Ā 
Ā 
Ā 

Comments

Rated 0 out of 5 stars.
No ratings yet

Add a rating
bottom of page