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The CRE Humor Jokes

When the Appraisal Hits 12 Hours Before Rate Lock

Broker: DSCR pencils at 1.27, everyone breathe Lender: cool, just need appraisal, Phase I reliance, and an ALTA from Mars Appraiser: used 2019 comps at an 8.5 cap—value down, subject to lease-up Me: there goes IO, proceeds, and my weekend 🙂 Seller: no re-trades; deposit was hard yesterday. Good luck! 🫠

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Term Sheet Says Yes, Appraisal Says LOL

Broker: LOI signed, lender nodding, I preorder the 'Closed' banner Lender: send updated T-12, live rent roll, and proof the roof isn’t a rumor Appraiser: found comps from a C-minus two zip codes away—

 
 
 
When the Appraiser Nukes Your Cap Rate at 4:59 PM

Broker: It pencils at 6.25% cap, T-12 trending up, pro forma tight Lender: Committee wants actuals, SNDAs, and my weekend Appraiser: Calls it 'stabilized' then shaves 12% because a 2009 comp sneezed M

 
 
 

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