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The CRE Humor Jokes

When the Appraisal Appraises Your Sanity

Expectation: 30-day close, clean T-12, stabilized NOI Lender: sure—just need updated rent roll, estoppels, Phase I, and a Phase I-and-a-half Appraiser: used comps from 2016, DSCR now 1.19, proceeds evaporated 🪄 Me: telling the client their 6-cap is now vibes-based while reopening Excel Revision_28 😵‍💫

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Term Sheet Says Yes, Appraisal Says LOL

Broker: LOI signed, lender nodding, I preorder the 'Closed' banner Lender: send updated T-12, live rent roll, and proof the roof isn’t a rumor Appraiser: found comps from a C-minus two zip codes away—

 
 
 
When the Appraiser Nukes Your Cap Rate at 4:59 PM

Broker: It pencils at 6.25% cap, T-12 trending up, pro forma tight Lender: Committee wants actuals, SNDAs, and my weekend Appraiser: Calls it 'stabilized' then shaves 12% because a 2009 comp sneezed M

 
 
 

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