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The CRE Humor Jokes

When 'As-Is' LOI Meets the Lender’s 97-Point Scavenger Hunt

Broker: LOI signed—'as-is, 30-day close' 😎 Lender IC: Upload T-12, rent roll, Phase I, ALTA, SNDAs, estoppels, DSCR 1.35, and a rate-cap quote Client: I chose NNN so I wouldn't learn what CAM reconciliation is Me: Re-underwriting at 2 a.m. because the 'minor roof leak' became a $300k escrow holdback 🥲

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Mailbox Money vs Co-Tenancy Grenade

Expectation: Mailbox money Reality: Co-tenancy clause detonates when the anchor sneezes Lender: Need 1.25x DSCR and a time machine Owner: Can Excel model 'vibes-based NOI'? 🧮😵‍💫

 
 
 

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