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The CRE Humor Jokes

We Already Closed Yesterday (In My Model)

ricklahkar
Apr 21
1 min read

Broker: DSCR 1.30x, clean estoppels, CAM true-ups done. We cruising Lender: Upload T-12, T-3, T-1, bank statements, and the SNDA from the nail salon Excel: v58_FINAL-no-really-FINAL.xlsx returns; one penny off in CAM and the NOI collapses 🧮 Tenant Estoppel: Exclusive on the parking lot after 6pm; co-tenancy rent abates if Starbucks blinks Client: Can we close Friday non-recourse at 5%? Me: Sure, after ALTA, Phase I, and zoning letter teleport 🔥

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When the Lender Says One More Item for the 47th Time

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Clear to Close* (*Until Lender Remembers Global Cash Flow)

Broker: LOI signed, victory lap Lender: Need SNDA, updated estoppels, 12-month roof reserve, and your left shoe Landlord: NNNs reconcile after CAM true-up, security guard, and 47 'misc.' line items Cl

The CRE Humor Jokes

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