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The CRE Humor Jokes

Refi Speedrun: Broker Says 30 Days, Lender Says 97 Docs, Owner Says Friday?

Broker: Easy 30-day close Lender: Please upload rent roll v18, SNDA, 12 estoppels, Phase I (maybe a ‘light’ Phase II) Owner: Can we close Friday, waive reserves, and also finance 100% TI/LC? Me at 2:17am in Excel: why do CAM + taxes = 103% of GPR and the cap rate just ghosted me 😮‍💨

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Due Diligence Diet: Lost 5lbs Chasing Estoppels

Broker: We close Friday Lender: Cool, just need updated SNDA, 3 estoppels, and a Phase I that predicts the future Owner: Tenants will sign... after their lawyer returns from OOO until fiscal year 2099

 
 
 
Appraisal Says 'As-Is', My Model Says 'As-If'

Client: Can we close Friday? Lender IC at 4:59pm: need Phase II, SNDA, estoppels, and proof the roof isn’t a rumor Appraiser: Cap rate +50 bps because “tenant mix feels crunchy” Me: adding Other Incom

 
 
 

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