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The CRE Humor Jokes

Refi Speedrun: Broker Says 30 Days, Lender Says 97 Docs, Owner Says Friday?

Broker: Easy 30-day close Lender: Please upload rent roll v18, SNDA, 12 estoppels, Phase I (maybe a ‘light’ Phase II) Owner: Can we close Friday, waive reserves, and also finance 100% TI/LC? Me at 2:17am in Excel: why do CAM + taxes = 103% of GPR and the cap rate just ghosted me 😮‍💨

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Mailbox Money vs Co-Tenancy Grenade

Expectation: Mailbox money Reality: Co-tenancy clause detonates when the anchor sneezes Lender: Need 1.25x DSCR and a time machine Owner: Can Excel model 'vibes-based NOI'? 🧮😵‍💫

 
 
 

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